Friday, January 16, 2009


michael has been into "the lifestyle" for 30 years! I guess that makes him an expert of sorts.

I expressed my concern that I am not experienced and don't really know what to do. He was sweet to say that I need to do what comes naturally. That I don't have to be bitchy or demanding or dominant all the time.

But that I shouldn't hesitate to make demands if it occurs to me. Being dominant can also mean being loving and kind.

I had looked around at some bdsm personal websites and asked him about these people. He said most of them aren't even real - they wear the right outfits and say a few key words, but as you get to know them better, they're just posers. Hmmm.

I have to say that was reassuring. I can say that I'm a sincere Dom in the making.

Happy Birthday, michael! You are a patient man!

Monday, January 12, 2009


Our first intimate sexual adventure was amazing!

I wonder if his tongue got tired. If so, he never complained.

Complaining would be unacceptable from a pussy slave anyway.

His penis was a whole other story. It was so big that I avoided it - other than some squeezing and feeling it against my body. I seriously don't know when I'd be ready for that!

michael seemed fine with that. The whole point (from his point of view) was all about me anyway and not his gratification. Actually his satisfaction is almost entirely about me cumming.
He wanted to satisfy me all night until morning.

This D/s thing is really very flattering from an ego point of view. His life revolves around me and what I want inside and outside the bedroom.

Even though we're currently a hundred miles apart (I decided to go on a road trip), he is waiting patiently for my return. He suggested a chastity device for me to put on him and I was to keep the only key. For him to get an erection when I'm not there would cause him a lot of pain.

That is a big commitment.

Saturday, January 10, 2009


The afternoon of my first day with my slave was very animalistic.

We were feeling each other's energy and intentions. I was caught up in how much was being sensed and perceived about one another. I could feel it.

Watching each other. Paying attention to our intuitions. It was a remarkable dynamic that seemed more animal in nature than human.

We went for a long walk in the woods, across creeks and down to the beach by the river.

michael is a paradox as am I. His contradictions are far more profound than mine are.

He is big and masculine and to look at him I would never think he needs to be diminished. He hunts and kills things and builds things and fixes mechanical things. He is quiet and intense and studied biology in University.

He can stay on his knees for a very long time.

Friday, January 9, 2009



1. a female god or deity.
2. a woman of extraordinary beauty and charm.

3. a greatly admired or adored woman

It's nice to know you too can be a Goddess if you're admired and adored! .

I'll work on getting comfortable with that title.

First Morning at Dom School

My first day was surprisingly relaxing and I felt totally comfortable when I woke up at michael's house. We sat by the fireplace and talked for hours the night before.

Oh, btw... the slave tends not to capitalize their name. michael calls me Goddess - with a capital G - and I have a bit of difficulty with that title. Perhaps I should look up the exact dictionary definition and see if I can somehow get comfortable with some part of that title applying to some part of who I am. Until then I resist.

We were getting to know each other in person after many tantalizing emails. We had excellent chemistry and we felt immediately comfortable with one another. Our physical attraction was stellar at least. However we never had physical contact other than a few deep, sweet kisses and light touching of each others hands.

I had told michael previous to my arrival that I didn't like to talk very much for the first half hour or so upon waking.

So when I made my way into the living room from a spare bedroom he had my coffee waiting. Nice! He came and kneeled by my chair and sat quietly but ready to attend to whatever I needed.

I was soaking in this energy of his apprehension. He was wondering if he was being successful in pleasing me. I didn't say one way or the other because silence can hold sexy tension in a situation like this.

Thursday, January 8, 2009


I'm at a bit of a loss as to where I begin in a dynamic so complex as the one I've found myself.

Even though I've only began this journey I realize there are many layers to a D/s and S/M relationship.

I do know my friend is not only a sub but also a masochist. Somehow this makes me care more for him even though he seems to appreciate ruthlessness and perhaps even cruelty.

I say "perhaps" when in actuality I know he does prefer this. It's hard to be cruel to someone even though this is what he wants.

And he needs this.

And it goes against my nature. I want to esteem people and encourage.

Am I in the deepest waters? Or have I attracted the perfect person to trigger or manifest what lay underneath the surface of who I might be? That deep, dark unknown person at my center? My Shadow?

Pussy Slave

This is a very exciting adventure!

I had only toyed with the fantasy of what it would feel like to be a Dominatrix.

I have a very encouraging and submissive partner who is more than happy to be my sub.

The question I asked myself was "Wow. Where do I start?"

Small steps in high black boots, of course!

And a collar with my lover's name engraved on a tag. That's the first step to ownership. I haven't progressed to a leash, but that's next.